Mother Teresa - Doubt, Devout & Depressed

Mother Teresa is in the news again. This time, it's her doubt. Mother Teresa's journey to fame and depression started with a prophetic call from Jesus. Shortly after following God's calling to serve the poor of Calcutta, she entered into depression and ceased to hear God's voice for nearly 50 years. She wrote letters to friends about her pain and her difficulty hearing God's voice. She wrote to her friend Michael Van Der Peet, "Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear."

I want to share 3 thoughts:

1) People who hear God's voice often go through periods of difficulty where they can't hear. This is normal and should be expected. People in the world act like Christians shouldn't struggle. The truth is that everyone struggles. In fact, the more powerful your vision, the more significant your challenge, the more you will struggle.

2) Don't judge a Christian by the things they confess to their closest friends. We all need a friend to whom we can confess our feelings and perceptions--especially those that are ugly, difficult or seemingly contradictory. That's a part of who we are, but it's not the whole story. I once read a blog article about a guy who visited a German spa where everyone was naked. His assessment was that most people look better with their clothes on. Reading someone's journal entries, or their letters to a prayer partner, is like looking at a person who is naked. It may be true, but it isn't a complete picture of a person's life. The clothes a person wears tells you more about their personality, thoughts and values. Jesus said that you can tell a tree by it's fruit. Mother Teresa was mighty fruitful! To discredit her fruit because she had times of difficult honesty is unrealistically immature. Her struggles, though true, are merely one tree in the vast landscape of her life.

3) God speaks, but he doesn't always speak when or how we want him to. For our part, we often create obstacles to our own ability to hear. There have been times when I was overworked and horribly depressed. I've found in those times that it is very hard (nearly impossible) to hear God's voice. There is an irony to those times. The truth is that God speaks during those times--but not necessarily on the topics that I'm most interested in. Sometimes it's because God has already spoken on the topics and I just didn't hear what I wanted. Other times it was because I was too exhausted. Mother Teresa was an exhausted person. She didn't leave a lot of time to relax. In fact, in spite of the grace she showed the poor of Calcutta, she didn't have very much grace for herself or for her co-laborers. She was so purpose driven to serve God selflessly that she missed a big part of the Gospel--Grace! Mother Teresa needed a long vacation and, probably, an antidepressant. But, she couldn't allow these liberties in her life. I saw a documentary on her life, where her charity was given a building in New York City. The building had new industrial carpet in it (which works well in chilly New York), but Mother Teresa tore it out and declared it to be an unnecessary luxury. She also ran into trouble with New York state officials because the law required an elevator in the building. Mother Teresa wouldn't have the building, if it contained an elevator. To Mother Teresa an unnecessary luxury was viewed as an EVIL luxury. She valued simplicity so highly that normal comforts were viewed as sinful. For that reason, she wore sandals in the snow. Like many devout Catholics throughout history, the concept of personally inflicting suffering on oneself was seen as being spiritual. Unfortunately, it also gets in the way of us receiving God's affection--which includes hearing his voice in prayer. There is an irony in the fact that when Mother Teresa heard God's call to the poor of Calcutta, she was on a vacation that had been forced on her by her superiors. The vacation (a Sabbath) provided the space she needed to hear the voice of God. But when Mother Teresa was in charge of her own order, she wouldn't force herself to take a vacation. Sabbath is an act of faith that God values highly. Mother Teresa became a victim of her "purpose driven" life.

I'd like sum all of this up by saying that I think Mother Teresa is one of the greatest examples of leadership from the 20th century. She knew where she wanted to go, she went there with painful dedication, and her vision and purpose inspired others to follow her. I also do not think that her struggles with depression mean anything with regard to her faith. Her fruit speaks far more. Nonetheless, she failed her followers and disobeyed the Lord by not allowing more sabbath rest in her life. We get saved by grace, we have to live by grace and without grace, it's impossible to hear the voice of God.

Earthquake update

Here is information from AG Relief, the division of the Assemblies of God that assists relief efforts. This was written by my friend Rich Ferguson, missionary to Peru:

Greetings from Lima,

First of all we would like to thank you for your prayers and also for the overwhelming support Peru is receiving from the missionaries in our region.

I met with the Superintendent of Peru, Rodrigo Espinoza, and have the following information to share with you:

15 Assemblies of God churches were completely destroyed or damaged beyond repair in the affected zone.

9 Pastoral homes were completely destroyed.

Only 2 Assemblies of God members are confirmed dead.

According to the Peruvian TV, 70% of the city of Pisco is destroyed (population 110,000), 40% of the city of Ica is destroyed (population 260,000), 30% of Chincha is destroyed (population 160,000) and 30% of Canete is destroyed (population 160,000).
At this time the official death toll is 510, the injured are 1,150 and those left homeless are 80,000.

The desperate needs are water, non perishable food, blankets, warm clothes, tents, medicine (

pain relief and antibiotics), generators, batteries, flashlights.

Making the relief aid more difficult is that the Panamerican Highway that runs south of Lima is severely damaged as well. Many bridges have collapsed and there are multiple places where the road has been damaged. Several areas were also affected by landslides. A trip that normally takes 2 hours is taking longer than 8, and trucks have been looted on their way.

Please pray for strength and wisdom for those bringing aid. Pray for safety and miracles for those searching for the missing. Pray for peace that passes understanding and hope that only comes from knowing the Lord for the millions that are on their knees tonight.

For our brothers and sisters in the central coast of Peru,
Rich and Wanda Ferguson

An update from AGRelief can be found at http://www.agrelief.net/peru/reports-peru.cfm

Poverty is in more places than Peru

Today, this story came from the Associated Press:

By Associated Press
CLEVELAND -- Cleveland was ranked as the nation's fourth poorest big city Tuesday after spending two of the last three years at the top of the U.S. Census Bureau's list. Cleveland was behind Detroit, Buffalo, N.Y., and Cincinnati, which jumped from No. 8 on last year's list, according to data from the American Community Survey. The rankings reflect the number of people living below the poverty level in 2006. The survey indicates that 27 percent of Cleveland's population was below the poverty level last year, compared with 32.4 percent in 2005.

Cincinnati, which had 27.8 percent of its residents living in poverty in 2006, has seen increases in each of the last three years. The Ohio River city was No. 22 in 2004 with 19.6 percent and last year entered the top 10 with 25 percent living in poverty. Although Cincinnati ranked one spot ahead of Cleveland, when accounting for the margin of error, the estimates for the two cities were not significantly different.

The ranking includes all U.S. cities with 250,000 or more people.

Magnitude-8 earthquake hits Peru

As I write, the death toll of the magnitude-8 earthquake in Peru has surpassed 450. There are many more still covered in the southern cities of Ica and Pisco. Many have written asking if we’re safe. We’re very safe. We’re currently in San Jose, Costa Rica. We’ll be moving to Peru in January. As such, the earthquake has not affected us. We have friends in Peru, all of whom are also safe. Nonetheless, we ask that you pray for the many families who have been devastated by this. May God heal the sick and use this to reveal the love and power of Jesus.

This photo, as well as a slide show of the devastation, can be found on the NPR web site here: http://www.npr.org/news/images/2007/aug/16/peru_slideshow/index.html

Toucan Sam 2

Here's the still shot of my interview with Toucan Sam. See the video and story of our interview below.

My interview with Toucan Sam

I met Toucan Sam--the toucan from the Fruit Loops commercials. He's retired now, except for a few publicity shots and ribbon cutting ceremonies at strip malls. He lives in a retirement jungle here in Costa Rica, along with Tony the Tiger, the Twix Rabit and the Frog from Super Golden Suger Crips. Sam has been divorced and remarried 10 times. His current marriage appears to be rocky. I tried to interview him, but he kept arguing with his wife. Here's the footage from our time together.

La Negrita

August 2 is a national holiday in Costa Rica. It's the day of the Costa Rican patron saint: La Negrita (the little black one). Each year, as many as a million people walk hundreds of miles to beg for the statue's blessing. Wednesday night, I went to the main street of town and watched as thousands walked by. When the crowds reach the front of the cathedral that houses the statue, the crawl on their knees before the statue. The story is interesting and is repeated in other parts of Latin America.

On August 2, 1635, a woman found a small, black stone carving of Mary holding the baby Jesus on top of another stone. She took it home and hid it in a basket. The next day she found a black carving of a snake in the same spot. She took it home and, when she went to put it in the basket with the statue of Mary, found the original statue missing. The next day she found the statue of Mary back on the rock. She took it home and found the statue of the snake missing. After this happened a few more times, it was concluded that Mary wanted a Cathedral built on the spot. So, the cathedral of "the Virgin of the Angels," was built and now houses the statue. There is a small stream nearby which is believed to have healing powers. In 1824, the Costa Rican government declared the statue to be the patron saint of Costa Rica.

It's important to note that the idol is in the center front of the church. The church, even though Catholic, does not revolve around the image or story of Jesus. The church revolves around the adoration of a small stone statue. When I ask Costa Ricans if the statue is Mary or what the meaning of the statue is, they don't know. Latin culture is far less interested in making things make sense than North American culture. They don't care that their patron saint was never actually a person, since Mary is not the patron saint. Rather, the little black statue "La Nagrita" is the patron saint.

The fact that over a million people endure difficulty to beg a stone statue for a blessing is evidence of spiritual hunger. It is continued evidence of the need to bring a message of power and hope to this hungry people.

What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore come out from them and be separate,” says the Lord. “Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters,” says the Lord Almighty. 2Co 6:16-18

Thank you!

The picture here is of Pastor Buster Gilliam of Willow Bend Church in Clarksville, Tennessee. The kids in vacation Bible school raised $200 for missons in a contest between the boys and the girls. Pastor Buster promised that whichever team won could hit him in the face with a pie! As you can see, the boys won. Buster wrote, "I started to tell you that I 'took a bullet for you...' but in truth, it was only a cream pie!

The Spanish phrase "me cuesta" or "le cuesta" is used when something is difficult or costly. We have a similar idea when we say, "It's costly to serve the Lord." This phrase is on my mind today, because I'm aware of the sacrifice of others in order to enable us to serve the Lord as missionaries. Going to the mission field, leaving our family and friends, has been really costly. But it's also costly for those who are on our team paying the price financially and in prayer--taking a pie for us! I want to say thanks to all those who have made this possible.

As the Apostle Paul says in Philippians 4:18-19, your partnership with the Lord in this mission is "a fragrant j offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. And my God will meet all your needs k according to his glorious riches l in Christ Jesus."

Who's in charge?

Abi and I like to sit on our hammock and talk about life. Recently, I asked her if she had names for her toes. She said no, so I suggested some names for her toes--Bob, Frita, Leonard, etc.

She said, "No Daddy, they're our family!"

"Oh, so am I the big toe?"

"No, that's Mommy!"

Purpose

When I was a kid, we had a boat on the Ohio River. Because rivers have bends and curves, it's easy to run aground. When my dad let me drive, he advised me to keep my eyes on a point in the distance and aim for that point. That's been great advise for my life. I want to share some thoughts about the importance of purpose--living a "purpose driven life," and living toward a target. If you don't pick a target, you'll run aground. Your life will be, literally, "pointless." If you state that you have a target, but you're not making decisions to actually get there, you're like an arrow without feathers--flying fast through the air, but not any closer to the target. Living purposefully is one of the most important traits of a successful life and is, undoubtedly, the primary character trait of Jesus and the Apostle Paul.

Matthew 16:21-24 is just one example of Jesus knowing and living toward his purpose. In this passage, he defines part of our purpose; i.e., to follow him.

Mt 16:21-24: From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life. Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. "Never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!"

Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

We received our call to Peru in December of 2003. It's been a long haul since then. I knew when we received the call, that it would be about 4 years before we actually made it to the field. It became a target in the distance and we've been living "toward" it ever since. There are a lot of opportunities to "run aground" in four years. But, thankfully, the Holy Spirit's job is to keep us afloat. I'm grateful that we're now able to see the light at the end of this long tunnel. Lord willing, we'll be in Peru shortly. Purpose, in life, is like the rings of a target. There's often more than one ring--though they all circle around or point to the center point. For us, the center point is Jesus and the advancement of the kingdom by preaching the Gospel. For us, the rings around this center will be working with Latin America Childcare, teaching, preaching, evangelizing, hosting teams and falling in love with the people of Peru.

(The pictures: 1) My beloved Ohio River, taken from Eden Park. 2) Colton shooting an arrow at a Royal Ranger camp-out here in Costa Rica. Shooting an arrow gives you a great idea of how important it is to keep your eye on the target and how easy it is to lose your arrows in the weeds.)

Abigail

Abi is by far the cutest missionary on the Shrader team. She'll turn 3 in a few weeks. Three is one of my favorite ages because kids say ridiculous and cute things. Since she's not three yet, she's just now starting to say funny things. Before now, she's made up for her tiny vocabulary with a mighty attitude. It's clear that Abi and Will have an edge on the rest of us with regard to learning Spanish. Tonight, Abi said to me (in Spanish), "You're Daddy! Papa and Daddy. And, Mommy is Mama and Mommy!" Lena laughed and said, "I wondered how long it would take her to figure out that she's speaking two languages."

Covetousness is like an itchy welt

Covetousness is like the type of mosquito bite that leaves a huge welt and itches for days. We don't have a car in Costa Rica. We walk or take taxis, which makes our experience much closer to that of the average Costa Rican. Most of the time it's no problem, but it does require one to think and plan ahead. I've always loved cars and have owned one or more for the past 30 years--until we arrived in Costa Rica. So, for the fun of it, we rented a car this past weekend. Since there are 6 in our family, we needed something more than a small sedan. The nice minivans were all rented, so we ended up in a 2002 Kia Joice. It's the size of a Toyota Corolla with seating for 7. It was an old, run-down, undependable rental car--and I loved it! When it was time to turn it in, it hurt. Having the car for two days gave me a taste for car freedom. It whet my appetite for more. Now I'm left with the nasty, itchy welt that I mentioned before. In a few days, the welt will disappear and the itch will fade away. There's a reason why the Lord forbids covetousness in his list of the big 10--it robs one of joy and clouds your vision from seeing all the wonderful gifts you already have.

Journey to Granada Nicaragua

Every 90 days, we have to cross the border in order to renew our visas for Costa Rica. This month, we visited Granada Nicaragua. It was my favorite town, so far, in Central America. It had the rustic charm of a Spanish outpost from 200 years ago. It also had a discotech playing Mexican polka music late into the night. Charm and polka--it doesn't get any better than that! There's a huge lake near Granada, with 2 Volcanoes in the lake. For a much better view of the pictures, along with my comments about each, please visit: http://picasaweb.google.com/BillandLenaPics/GranadaNicaragua

Machu Pichu--7 Wonders of the World

The New 7 Wonders of the World have been voted on by people all over the world and Machu Pichu is on the list.

Here is a link to an lovely MSN slide show of the 7 wonders. http://travel.msn.com//Guides/MSNTravelSlideShow.aspx?cp-documentid=379388&imageindex=1&GT1=10243 All are amazing. The statue of "Christ the Redeemer" in Brazil is really inspiring. There is a copy of it in Peru, though it isn't as impressively situated over a major city.

Machu Pichu from MSN Travel: "Rediscovered in 1911 and believed to be the legendary "lost city of the Incas", the dramatic ruins of Machu Picchu, set high in Peru's Andes Mountains, are the only significant Incan site to remain unharmed by the 16th-century Spanish conquistadors. Theories about the site's role in the Inca Empire continue to inspire intellectual curiosity, but its stunning landscape—the way the limestone temples, steep terraces, and aqueducts complement the land, in keeping with the Incan veneration of nature, and the way daybreak slowly creeps over the majestic peaks, unveiling the ruins stone by stone—is what makes Machu Picchu one of the most spectacular sights in South America—and the world over."

Peru--Stark & Beautiful Slideshow

This is a slideshow I put together a while back about the geography, economy and people of Peru. I'm posting it here as a little reminder of where and why we're going. Now that we've hit the half-way point of our language school studies, we're getting mighty eager to be in the land of God's calling. To control the slide show, just click on the pictures. To see a larger & slower version, so you can actually read the slides, click on this link: http://picasaweb.google.com/BillandLenaPics/PeruStarkBeautiful

Cool facts about Peru

Some cool trivia tidbits about Peru: (adapted from http://www.livinginperu.com/)

The Lima bean is Peruvian.

The tomato, taken to Europe by the Spaniards, is Peruvian.

The potato: More than 5.000 varieties of potatoes originated in Peru, some of which were taken to Europe by the Spaniards around 1560 and by the English around 1580.

Quinua, a high-protein grain with more than 25 varieties, is Peruvian.

The Paso horse—it has a very funky gate, whereby it throws its feet out to the side, rather than in front.

Alpaca (a type of llama) are Peruvian.

The finest cotton in the world is Peruvian: Pima and Tanguis.

Peru has some of the best waves to surf in the world. (Seen somewhat in the photo of Lima, above).

Peru has 468 different dishes, which according to The Guinness Book of World Records is the largest variety in the world.

The weeping willow tree, which contains a component that is the base for aspirin, is Peruvian.

The University of San Marcos (in Lima), established in 1551, is the oldest University in the Americas.

In Peru there are more than 50 mountains over 6,000 m.a.s.l. (19,685 >ft.)

84 of the 103 ecosystems that exist in the world are in Peru.

4 of the ten cereals that exist in the world are native to Peru. The quinoa, maize, cañihua, and kiwicha. The latter has been considered by NASA as an important element in an astronauts diet.

ANTAMINA, the largest mine in the world, is located in Peru's central highlands.

Lake Titicaca, shared by Peru and Bolivia, is the highest navigable lake in the world.

The official government gazette, El Peruano, is the oldest daily in South America. It was founded in 1825 by Simón Bolívar.

28 different types of climates develop in Perú, placing it among the 5 most biologically diversified countries in the world.

In the Oriental Andes region one can find more than 2,800 varieties of orchids, of which 2,000 have been classified to date.

The Peruvian ocean offers 700 different varieties of fish and 400 varieties of shellfish.

It’s the oldest habitat for humans in the western hemisphere; i.e., the oldest mummies and archaeological finds are Peruvian. The oldest mummy in the Americas is called “Señor of Sipán.” It is only comparable to that of Tutankamon in Egypt.

The Nazca lines located app. 460 km south of Lima.

And without any doubt "MACHU PICCHU."

Some Rough Days

Last Sunday was Father's Day. It was the anniversary of the last conversation I had with my dad. I couldn't be with him on that Father's Day, because we were preaching in a town on the western border of Kentucky. We took the camper with us, which was our final camping trip. I remember only snippets of that final conversation with my father. Mostly, we talked about camping and the importance of problem solving in life. Dad was alert and in a good mood. I cried at the end of the conversation, because it was so sweet and so uncommon given his failing health. I told him that we'd be back home on Tuesday night and that I'd be over on Wednesday morning to give him his Father's Day gift. My father died that Wednesday morning before I made it to their house.

Father's Day, one year later, I find myself in a mall in Costa Rica. Colton's birthday was on Monday and we were desperately trying to find him a pair of "Heelys"--those shoes with the wheels in the heals. All the stores in Costa Rica are sold out of his size. I found myself getting more and more upset. We reached the end of our search and I sat down on a bench in despair. Lena asked me what I wanted and I burst into tears. I wanted my dad. The following 24 hours (i.e., Colton's birthday) were pretty rough. I couldn't stop crying. It's very hard to sit in a grammar class conjugating verbs when you're fighting back tears. People would ask how my Father's Day was and I responded by crying. It was a rough day. And, to make matters worse, I felt the need to be chipper and enthusiastic for my son.

We spent the rest of that afternoon looking for Heelys, which we never found. We ended up eating a very late dinner at Tony Romas (the rib joint). The food was great, but our entire meal was absconded by Mormon missionaries who were trying to witness to us. As such, Colton's 10th birthday is not one that will be remembered fondly, but may afford us a few laughs in the future. Colton will be able to say, "That was the day dad drove around the city crying, looking for shoes that I never got, capped off by a Mormon who ignored all our social cues."

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my Dad's passing. I feel sad about it, but at the same time, I suspect that there's a strong chance it'll be an improvement.

Please pray for my mom, myself, Lena and the kids, and my siblings. We all feel the loss of my father deeply.

Gestational Homesickness

We're at the half-way point of our time here and I have to admit that we're experiencing a lot of longing. One one hand we're definitely homesick--longing for familiar friends and flavors. On the other hand, we're Peru-sick--longing for the next step in God's awesome adventure. I recently e-mailed a friend in Peru about these emotions, saying that it feels like being stuck in an airport for a year, waiting for a connecting flight. I try to keep in mind that it’s like being a baby in gestation. As much as the mother wants the baby to pop out early, it is far better if the gestation time is completed. Please pray for us, for the grace to enjoy where the Lord has us for today, while looking forward to the promises and mission that lies ahead.

Family Update & learning Spanish

To my blog-reading buddies and buddettes, my apology for the delay in updates. I've decided that it's easy to see where I am with Spanish, based upon my blog posts. Since the last update was three weeks ago, it's safe to say that I'm in the thick of it.

Good news: Hannah and Colton passed onto their respective grades (7th & 4th) and are now on summer break. The really good news is that they still go to school! They do get home an hour earlier and their classes don't give homework. It's like attending an academic summer camp. Their classes include science (mostly fun experiments), drama and (of course) Spanish. Recently, Colton confessed that Spanish is his favorite subject. That's a big jump from his previous favorites: Gym and recess. Today I was very proud when one of our Spanish teachers said that Colton asked her a question yesterday (in Spanish) and understood her answer. The irony is that this professor speaks perfect English. Don't tell Colton.

Flowers from the edge of the Jungle