Monday, October 26, 2009

A disturbing dream

From Bill: I'm reposting this, having had problems previously.

Last month I had a very disturbing dream which I’ve not been able to forget. I dreamt that I was in a room in a high-rise building. There were other people in the room with me. My journal (a steno notebook) was pulled out of my hand by an invisible force—as though it had been jerked up by a hook and line. It hit me in the chin, shot up to the ceiling, then out the window. I and the other people in the room (friends) ran to the window to watch as the journal fall. We were very high in the building, allowing the journal fall a long way. I cried out to the Lord, “It’s my journal!” By that, I meant that I didn’t want to lose all of the insights and memories that I had written there, along with the part God was taking from me. (I obviously thought, in the dream, that it was the Lord who ripped it from my hands. The fact that I was hit in the chin makes me wonder if he wasn’t scolding me for something inappropriate that I was saying.) I and my friends watched as a gushing wind caught the falling notebook, blowing it up and down. Pages were torn from it by the wind and blown back into my hands. I had received back the meaningful reflections. The rest was lost. Then I awoke.

I think the dream was from the Lord. The interpretation that follows is mine. I’m not sure that I’ve got it right. I think the journal represents the heart, that I had put stuff in my heart that was displeasing to God. I think that I had written something against another; i.e., dissing someone in my journal (and therefore in my heart). God ripped the journal from me and separated my proper reflections from those that were sinful. God is in the business of blowing on our hearts, just as the wind separates the wheat from the chaff. The dream was violent. I’d put something in the journal that was knowingly wrong and I was, I think, sharing it with my friends. I think I was deriding someone. God then pulled the journal from my hands and it hit me in the chin. I could have let go of the journal and not been hurt, but I was clutching on tight. It’s better if we never write these things in our hearts. But once we have, we still have the choice to give them over freely. If we do not, God will wrench them from us. Some hold on with a tight grip and end up getting hurt—fighting God. It’s better to let Him take it. In the dream, I think it was a negative perception or grudge I was holding against another. Perhaps it was unforgiveness, hate, pride, or jealousy.

1Ch 28:9b says, “the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts.” Also, in Rev. 2:23b, Jesus says, “I am he who searches hearts and minds, and I will repay each of you according to your deeds.” Finally, in Luke 3:16-17, John the Baptist gives a brief job description of the Messiah, telling the crowd, “I baptize you with water. But one more powerful than I will come, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire. His winnowing fork is in his hand to clear his threshing floor and to gather the wheat into his barn, but he will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire.”

In the Luke passage, above, the word fire is a reference to judgment and purification—just like what happened to the pages of my journal. I’ve asked the Lord to reveal to me that which I must repent of. If it’s a choice of being wheat or chaff, I’m going with the wheat. Also, if I’m harboring hatred or malice in my heart, I want it out. It will only suck you dry. Pray for me to pass through this purification. I must confess that the dream was very disturbing and bothered me for days. In early Pentecostal churches, there was a place down front were people went to repent of their sins. It was called the mourner’s bench. It looks like I have an appointment there. If anyone wants, I’d be happy to have some friends go to the mourner’s bench with me.


Ruth Chowdhury said...

Whoa. Powerful dream. I'll be praying for you & thank you for being honest. I'm going to have to ask God if there's something in the journal of my heart that needs taken out. I'm sure there is.

Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing your heart. I will be sitting right there with you on the mourner's bench. I'm working through some things that have been eating away at me and I'm still fighting for myself - why? God has always had his best interest for me. Why can't I give it up???
Much Love, Donna

H.L. Hussmann - God's Greatest Passion Ministries said...

I don't have anything insightful to say except I think you're awesome and your story made me feel ... emotional/sad/inspired/something else hard to define.

Good stuff, and the verse in Rev 2 is scary.